Divorce ranks among the most stressful and difficult life events, along with painful incidents like the death of a loved one or a significant illness. There is a good reason for that. Divorce causes major upheaval in life, affecting finances, children, living arrangements, and of course, bringing up difficult emotions.
It can be disorienting and initially devastating to have to reimagine your life. Even if the eventual outcome of the divorce is a more calm, stable, loving environment, figuring out how to get to that point can be challenging. Here are some ways to start rebuilding your life after a divorce so you can get to a new version of happiness as a single person.
1. Let Yourself Feel
You will likely grieve the loss of your marriage, even if it wasn’t a happy one. You may also mourn the losses that come with the dissolution of marriage, like the future you imagined, changing your living arrangements, and even losing cherished in-laws.
While being optimistic is important, don’t ignore what your heart tells you. Divorce hits a reset button on your vision of the future, and it is okay to grieve. Avoid “toxic positivity,” where you force yourself to put on a happy face instead of allowing yourself to feel grief, anger, and sadness. As long as you don’t get stuck in those emotions, it is healthy to let yourself feel them.
2. Lean on Others
Friends and family will be vital during this time of turmoil. Lean on them. Know who the best person is to call if you are hit by a wave of grief or uncertainty at 2 am, and who you can count on to talk you out of that nasty social media post you want to publish. The people who love you will understand that you may need them a bit more for a while.
3. Seek Professional Support
While your friends and family serve a critical role in your healing, a therapist or spiritual advisor has the training and experience to help you process your emotions more deeply. They can also play a key role in helping you decide what your post-divorce path should look like. A great counselor will keep you accountable and make sure you keep moving forward while also helping you understand and process the things you are feeling.
4. Make New Connections
Assets and custody aren’t the only things that split in a divorce. Your friends list can be divided as well. You may lose some connections to people who are closer to your ex-spouse.
Additionally, having single friends can help you feel surrounded by like-minded people. If most of your friends are in relationships, it may help to add some single friends to your circle. Put yourself out there and cultivate new friendships.
There may also be a time when you feel ready to start dating again. If it feels right, go for it. Ask friends if they know anyone who seems like a good fit for you or consider using a dating app. Remember: it doesn’t have to be serious, and you don’t need to be looking for your next spouse. Enjoy yourself, have fun, and see where it leads you. Reminding yourself that you are just enjoying someone’s company, and it doesn’t need to be more than that unless you want it to be, can help ease some of the nerves you may feel about a return to dating.
5. Don’t Neglect Your Finances
Your Weber County divorce lawyer will work hard to ensure you end up in the best financial position possible. However, separating assets, expenses, and incomes means a shift in finances.
Get a sense of how much money is coming in and going out. Remember to include child support and alimony, if relevant. Are you spending more now on childcare? Has your rent or mortgage payment increased or decreased?
You may also want to speak with a tax professional. An accountant can walk you through your altered finances and even help you find ways to maximize the tax advantages of your new situation.
If you need to better understand the most effective ways to save and invest, you can do that via books, classes, or working with an investment professional.
6. Move Your Body
Exercise is not only good for our physical well-being. It also helps regulate and stabilize moods. During a time of stress and turmoil, that’s critical. Start wherever you are physically, whether that is a walk around the block or training for a marathon.
Consider joining a gym or a free local exercise group. That can help you take better care of your body and be a potential source of new social connections.
7. Fall in Love With Your New Life
Make time for things that bring you joy. Find ways to celebrate your new single life. Make a list of things you never got to do—perhaps because your partner wasn’t interested or because you neglected hobbies or dreams while you were married.
Cook the brussels sprouts that you never made because your partner hated them. Maybe you gave up playing piano because your spouse objected to the noise, or perhaps there was a trip you always wanted to take but it got lost in the compromises that come in a relationship. Or just spend more time with dear friends. Doing these things can help you find the silver lining of the divorce cloud.
Divorce can be overwhelming. Taking care of yourself while you rebuild your life is vital. You can not only survive this tumultuous time; you can come out stronger and happier on the other side.
Infographic
A divorce is a devastating event that can turn your life around. The difficult emotions and the changes you have to deal with can often leave you disoriented, making it hard to reimagine life. Figuring it out can be challenging, but not impossible. There are some ways to aid you in rebuilding your life after divorce. Start by reading this infographic.
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