Summer is flying by. You’ll soon be trading the smell of freshly mowed lawns and pool chlorine for the scent of newly sharpened pencils and new school shoes. This is a season of challenges. For your child, it means choosing the perfect first-day outfit and the perfect shade for their new backpack. For co-parents, the challenges of this time of year are a bit more complex.
If it’s your first year as a divorced parent, you’ll need a strategy for this phase of life. Even if you’ve navigated a new school year as a co-parent, your child’s needs–and your own–evolve as they grow. Planning is essential for maintaining harmony and making your child’s school year a success. Here’s our comprehensive guide for co-parents to help you smoothly handle back-to-school season and come out smelling like roses.
Prioritize Open Communication
It is usually best for co-parents to limit their communication to matters involving the child rather than risk conflict if they steer into more personal issues. That doesn’t mean you don’t need to communicate frequently and openly, especially as everyone’s lives are affected by returning to school. Schedules shift, homework comes into play, and your child has different obligations and needs. When communicating about school matters, keep these strategies in mind:
- Establish clear lines of communication with your co-parent well before the school year. Ensure both parties know important dates, including registration deadlines, orientation days, and parent-teacher conferences.
- To stay organized and informed, utilize communication tools such as shared calendars, email, or co-parenting apps. Consistency and transparency are essential for fostering a positive co-parenting dynamic.
Discuss Finances
Back-to-school time can feel like back-to-your-wallet-again time. Expenses include school supplies, clothes, bus fees, uniforms, tuition, school fees, sports costs, and more. Talk with your co-parent about expected expenses. Try to come to an agreement about how you will split them. Open communication regarding financial matters helps prevent misunderstandings and resentment.
- Create a budget for back-to-school expenses and discuss how you will divide costs between co-parents. Consider sharing the cost of essential supplies such as backpacks, notebooks, and uniforms. Some parents like allocating certain items to one parent and some to the other parent. That might mean mom pays for school supplies and uniforms, and dad pays the bus fees and sports expenses. Others prefer to split each cost. In that case, every receipt is pooled, and each parent pays half.
- If you’ve agreed to cover an expense, pay directly to the school or relevant organization when possible. Notify the co-parent so they know you’ve paid it. If you need to give money directly to your ex, pay them promptly. It’s best to use a check, direct bank transfer, or cash app so you have proof of payment.
- Check your divorce settlement to see if it addresses specific costs or how they should be split. If you feel your co-parent isn’t meeting their obligations or you need clarification on responsibilities, contact your Salt Lake or Weber divorce attorney.
Share the Experience
Most children are nervously eager about returning to school. It’s an exciting time for them and for you, too. Let it also be exciting for your co-parent by including them in the process. That doesn’t just mean handing them a bill for half the cost of a Bluey-themed backpack. It means allowing them to be part of the experience.
- Coordinate shopping trips to ensure both parents have the opportunity to contribute to their child’s back-to-school experience.
- Talk about what is most important to each of you. If you feel strongly about doing drop-off on the first day, perhaps the other parent helps your child pick out the day one outfit. That way, each of you gets to share in that important milestone.
- You probably encourage your child to share. Take your own advice and share meaningful experiences that are part of back-to-school time. There’s no reason why both of you can’t be in the car for pick-up from the first day as long as you can be civil to one another. That way, no one has to miss the moment. Your child benefits from seeing both parents come together to support them.
Talk about Transitions
With a school schedule added to the mix, your custody and visitation schedule may need to shift. Additionally, new elements are added to caring for your child. Discuss these transitions with your co-parent, and don’t forget to include your child in the conversations as appropriate.
- Develop a transition plan that minimizes disruptions and prioritizes your child’s comfort and well-being. Long drives between locations can cut into homework time or interfere with extracurriculars. Switching houses frequently during the week makes it easier for an assignment or necessary school supply to end up at the wrong home when your child needs it. Keep in mind how your plan will affect your child. Prioritize their comfort and ease.
- The custody or visitation schedule that worked during the carefree days of summer may not fit into the school calendar quite so well. If one parent lives far from school, weekday custody at their house will be challenging. What does the new schedule look like? Your child visitation lawyer can assist you in making formal changes to your agreement if you feel they are necessary. Before you call them, see if you can come to an agreement that works for both parents and your child.
- Communicate with your child about the new plan. They should understand the changes to their routine and know what to expect. If your child is older, you can also solicit their input when forming a schedule with your ex.
Stay Engaged with Activities
- Both parents should aim to participate in school-related activities and events. Attend parent-teacher conferences, school performances, and sporting events together whenever possible. It means a great deal to your child to see your face in the audience as they navigate the spelling bee or squeak and honk their way through their first band concert.
- Collaborate with your ex on school projects and assignments to demonstrate to your child that education is a shared priority. Showing a united front reinforces the importance of parental involvement in academic success. Both parents need to oversee homework. If your child has a large project they will work on in both homes, coordinate with the co-parent. Ensure necessary materials make their way to the other household. Convey essential information, notes on the project, or status updates.
A new school year is a fresh start. For your child, that means making new friends, trying new activities, and learning new things. For you and your ex, it means new routines and new challenges to your co-parenting relationship. This season for co-parents requires patience, flexibility, and a commitment to working together in your child’s best interests. If you can work together, you have the opportunity to create lasting memories as you support your child’s academic and social journey. Enjoy these milestones. Don’t forget to take time to stop and smell the roses.
