You feel your marriage is over, even if the divorce isn’t final. You feel the need to move on in your life. That includes figuring out where you will live, how your finances will work, and how you will deal with child-rearing. It may also mean figuring out your social life. But can you date without affecting your child custody agreement? The short answer is yes, but only if you proceed with care and discretion. Here are four situations when your dating life may impact your child custody case:
1. Dating Affects Your Ability to Care for Your Child
Does your dating life prevent you from taking an active role in your child’s life? Divorce in Utah requires that the judge consider the child’s best interests when deciding on custody. One factor that weighs heavily in determining that is the level of involvement by each parent in the child’s life. If one parent attends soccer games and parent-teacher conferences while the other is going on dates, the judge will pay attention to that.
You can prevent your dating life from causing a judge to doubt your ability to care for and bond with your child. Ensure that you maintain a solid and active relationship with your child. That means spending free time doing fun activities, but it also includes attending school functions, helping with homework, reading stories, and assisting with meals and bath time as needed.
Dating can be expensive. Ensure that your social life doesn’t strain your finances to the point that your ex can question your financial responsibility. A savvy attorney for child custody could also use financial hardship created by overspending on your dating life to question your judgment. It’s okay to spend money on dating and to treat yourself and your date to an occasional expensive event. Just make sure you aren’t spending money that you need to care for your child.
There’s no reason your dating life needs to affect your ability to care for your child and nurture the parent-child relationship. Prioritize spending time with your child and fit your dating in around those needs.
2. Your New Partner Reflects Negatively on Your Judgment
The court has no interest in getting to know your new partner. However, it will consider the influence your partner may have on your child. We aren’t talking about leaving dirty dishes in the sink or not covering their mouth when they cough. If your new significant other has a significant criminal history, that may come up in court. Your ex may be able to use that fact to call into question your judgment. They may also express concerns about the safety and well-being of your child while this person is around.
As long as the person you are dating and bringing into your child’s life isn’t a negative influence, their presence won’t reflect negatively on your judgment.
3. Introducing Your New Partner to Your Children Hasn’t Gone Well
Divorce is already a challenging, disruptive experience for children. When a parent’s new partner is added to the mix, it can be complicated and emotional for a child. Use care when introducing your children to a new partner. First, that’s what is best for your child. Second, failure to do so could negatively affect your child custody outcomes. Lawyers for child custody can bring up stress, resentment, or fear that your children feel about the person you are dating. This type of situation can be even more damaging to your case if the person is around frequently or has moved in.
If you’ve introduced your children to several new partners, that could present an image of a chaotic, unstable life. That won’t bode well for your custody battle. Wait to make introductions until you know the relationship will continue. Ideally, it will also be an exclusive partnership, so your child isn’t meeting multiple new people.
It’s okay for your children to meet a new partner once you’ve established a serious relationship. Ensure you are mindful of the sensitivities your child will likely have about you dating someone other than their other parent. Keep open the lines of communication so they can explore, express, and process their feelings. If the introductions don’t go well, consider backing off on the interactions, especially while you are still fighting for custody.
4. Your New Relationship Leads to More Drama in Your Old One
New partners add an additional layer of complexity to an ending marriage. Your ex may find that seeing you with someone new feels provoking. Even though their reaction is their responsibility, it is harmful to your children to see explosive fights between their parents. If the presence of a new partner creates arguments, consider keeping your new partner away from your co-parent whenever possible. That’s especially true if your children will be present to witness these fights.
As your relationship with a new partner grows, they may become a sounding board for everything in your life. That can include your divorce and your feelings about your ex. It’s okay to turn to someone new for support. However, if this turns into bad-mouthing your ex in front of your children, that can damage your position in your custody battle.
Never speak badly about the other parent in front of your child. Whether your new partner is present or not, you should avoid this behavior. It creates additional stress for your child, making them feel guilty about loving their other parent and wanting to spend time with them. It will not reflect well on you if the judge in your divorce case hears about you speaking ill of your co-parent in front of or to your child. If your new partner is involved in bad-mouthing the ex in front of the child, that will be even worse.
Set a firm boundary for yourself and the person you are dating that neither of you will speak badly or air frustrations about your ex when your child can hear.
Move Ahead with Caution
There’s no reason you can’t begin dating or enter into a serious relationship while finalizing your divorce and child custody arrangements. While dating itself won’t damage your case, mishandling your new relationship may. Remember to always act with your child’s best interests in mind, even if that isn’t what’s best for your new relationship. As long as the judge sees that you are handling the new relationship and its integration with your child well, your dating life shouldn’t damage your custody battle.
